There is no right answer if your girlfriend/wife ever asks, “Do I look fat in these pants?”
Rather than attempt to answer in any way, those of the male gender ought to be taught to do nothing more than turn tail and run. No matter what they say, invariably it will be subject to interpretation by the woman who will interpret it in the most unflattering way, thereby immersing the man in the proverbial pot of hot water.
To often, men speak first – think later. My dad used to warn me, “Put your brain in gear before you run off at the mouth.” Unfortunately, I have not always followed his advice.
Take for instance the night my wife, Lisa, was flipping through the TV channels while I browsed through the evening newspaper. She landed on one of those talk shows hosted by five women. I glanced over the top of the newspaper and looked at those five ladies then asked, “Did they have auditions for this show and pick the five ugliest women they could find to host it?”
Lisa, ever the protector of her gender, responded, “Those women aren’t any uglier than I am.”
Now, here’s where the trouble started. I had already gone back to reading the newspaper so my brain was only partially engaged in the conversation with my wife. I heard her comment. Then I heard my own voice, though I don’t remember actually speaking the words. In fact, as soon as I heard my words, I prayed to God they only existed in my mind. Unfortunately, it was too late to pray.
“Oh honey,” I heard myself say. “Those women are a whole lot uglier than you!”
If I recall correctly, though I must admit I was too busy watching my life flash before my eyes to be conscious of much else, I physically attempted to catch my words with my hands in mid air before they reached Lisa’s ears. My brain, now at full attention, asked me, “You surely didn’t say that, did you?” But it was too late. I had contracted the sometimes deadly “foot in mouth” disease.
That happened a couple of years ago and Lisa has since forgiven me. But it came up again the other night and Lisa reflected on the many “foot in mouth” moments that most couples experience. She challenged me to write an article on this phenomenon. That is what this letter is all about.
I’m wondering if you have ever had one of those experiences, and if you have, would you be willing to write it out and send it to me along with your permission to use it. I’m hoping to get enough responses to compile them in an article or booklet. If I use your anecdote, I’ll send you a free copy of the booklet. I’d also love it if you would pass this note on to your friends/relatives on your mailing list and ask them to send me their stories. Who knows, if I get enough responses, perhaps I’ll even be able to create a book. A book that will become required reading for every Jr. High boy.
Thanks in advance for your help.